Anxiety

Anxiety… we all have experienced some form of it in our lives. But what about the people who have anxiety attacks, or on going issues with anxiety?

I am not sure if it is the weather or what but I have had four people in the last week talk to me about problems they are having with anxiety, me being one of the four!! Yes I do talk to myself…. that is a post for another day!

For the rest of this post I will only be referring to my own issues with anxiety, please don't read this  and think you now have the answer's for all your friends who have anxiety because like everything in life, what works or doesn't work for one person may or may not work for another.

I have had problems with anxiety my whole life. I was the kid in kindergarden who cried and wanted to go home for not one day, or one week, but the whole half of the year!

For those of you who are laid back easy going people who don't understand what all the fuss is about, can I enlighten you?

What causes an anxiety attack in me?

• Things being unorganized or cluttered. 
• Decisions that need to be made quickly that I don't feel like I have had time to think through.
• People invading my personal space.
• Not being able to exit a place easily.** This is a BIG one for me!
• Not being heard.
• Loud, cluttered, places with tons of people.

What helps when it is happening?

• Go to a quiet place
• Breathe
• Pray
• Organize something
• Help someone else
•  Call a friend 
• Hugging my husband
• Petting my dog
• Go outside for a walk
• Make a list

How do I try to avoid them?

• Sit on an aisle seat not in the middle
• Check out exit signs to know how to exit if I need to
• If I need to go somewhere with lots of noise, people, and such I make sure I am well rested and have had time to unwind before I go. Going to a place like that after a really hectic day is a big no no for me.
• If someone asks me to make a decision I tell them I am not a quick decision maker, could they give me some time?
• Get lots of sleep
• Write down scripture when I a calm and have them on index cards, and keep them in a handy place.
• Be intentional about my calendar and don't plan too many (what I call ) "people days" in a row
• If sitting somewhere where I am concerned about personal space I usually carry a large purse that allows me to sit it in an empty chair to give me some extra space.
• If I am having a conversation and someone is not listening I simply stop speaking until I have their attention

This is not an end all be all but a few things to consider. I am interested for people to comment on things that have worked or not worked for them. Let's all be considerate, and empathatic to the people we know who struggle with what can be an absolutely debilatating life struggle. 

Praise Him

Praise Him

I recently went to a Christian conference. It was held at Conseco Fieldhouse in downtown Indianapolis. This is a ginormous place.  It can seat roughly 20,000 people. 

The first night of the conference I was floored at seeing all of us singing and praising the Lord. It was humbling! I caught myself whispering to the Lord. I said, "Lord, do you hear us? Does this bless you Lord? Are you as in awe of this as I am?" With tears streaming down my face I heard him say "Yes." Not an audible voice but a soft whisper from within that I knew was Him.

I did not expect to be more moved than I had been that very first night, but God has a way of surprising me. The last day of the conference I had come alone. With it just being me I was able to get a closer seat. I sat still high but was able to look out at the people on the ground floor. Right before things started I noticed an American Sign Language translator. She was amazing to watch. She fluidly signed all the announcements. Then another person caught my eye. There was a gentleman in a wheel chair being wheeled to a handicap accessible spot right below me on the ground floor. He was older with gray hair. Once he got to his spot he took out a cane and tried to stand. He seemed to be having some trouble so decided to sit back down in his chair. 

About this time the praise and worship team entered and asked us all to stand and lift our voices to the one and only true God. As I looked at all these very different people, old, young, black, white, women, men, hearing, non hearing, people with disabilities, people without, the one thing we all had in common was our willingness to praise. Just as I was about to cry again, I looked over at the man in the wheelchair, raised high above his head was the cane. He was praising God with his cane.


Psalm 150:1-6 Praise the Lord! Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens! Praise him for his mighty deeds; praise him according to his excellent greatness! Praise him with trumpet sound; praise him with lute and harp! Praise him with a tambourine and dance; praise him with strings and pipe! Praise him sounding cymbals; praise him with loud clashing cymbals!  

Psalm 150:1-6 

The Ginger Story

One of the jobs I had in the past that I loved was at a non-profit organization called Bridgepoint. Bridgepoint provided a wide group of services for people with disabilities. Everything from physical therapy, occupational therapy, job training, and a whole host of other things that were to help folks who had disabilities to enjoy and be a working part of society.

My role at this fabulous establishment was to write their stories. I would write, take pictures and publish them in a newsletter that went out to local residents in the area. This is how I met Ginger.

Ginger was 42 years old and had severe cerebral palsy that she had had since birth. All limbs effected. Her mother and father had taken care of Ginger all those years.

I was asked to be in the room when Ginger received her first speaking board. A speaking board is a board that is automated with pictures on it. For example if the person using the board wanted a drink there would be a picture of a glass of water and when the person pushed the picture a voice would say, "I would like a drink."

Communication, something most people take for granted. The ability to say what we want, and how we feel. Ginger had never been able to speak. In fact she had never been able to fully articulate anything to anyone with a voice. The only movement that Ginger could control was on one hand with her pointer finger. This made her a perfect candidate for a speaking board.

As I made my way down the hallway to the Speech Therapist office I wondered what it the world was this woman who had been trapped in a body that would not conform to her wishes for 42 years would want to say. Would she be angry at all those years locked in a prison of her own body? Would she be demanding? I gently knocked on the door. Kim our speech therapist opened the door and introduced me to Ginger's parents. Diane was a sweet woman with gray fuzzy hair, and thick glasses. She wore a flowered top and jeans with sneakers. She smiled and said, "Nice to meet you!" Ginger's father was seated with a John Deer hat on with bib overall's and dark glasses the kind that change color depending on whether they are outside or in. He got up shook my hand and sat back down and began to nervously fiddle with his hands. In the center of the room was a wheelchair. Pale with reddish brown hair and a smile that would light up a Christmas tree sat Ginger.

Diane spoke to Ginger and said, "Oh honey are you excited?" Ginger smiled bigger.

Kim went through some instructions on how the board operated. Then she looked at us all and said, "Don't be surprised if at first what Ginger says doesn't seem to make sense. This is all new to her and it will take time for her to learn how to maneuver this new instrument."

I found myself holding my breath. The whole room went silent. Kim placed the speaking board in Ginger's lap and asked her, Ok Ginger, here it is.

Ginger concentrated and squinted her eyes to see the board. She stuck her tongue out in concentration. Her index finger raised and hit the "I" button. The board sounded I. Ginger pulled her finger back and aimed again. The next word was "love". The board sounded love. Ginger began to cry. And with fierce determination she hit the word Mom, and quickly pulled back and hit the word Dad.

Ginger's first sentence with her speaking board. Her first words in 42 years were I love mom, and dad.

There was not a dry eye in that little room. As her mother was crying she began to say "I knew it. I knew she was in there. All those people telling me all those years that she couldn't understand. That she was dumb, but I knew I knew she was in there all along. I love you too baby."

How often do we take communication for granted? Who in your life needs to hear that they are loved? Ginger waited 42 years to say those words. We can say them but choose not to. How sad is that?

Love is a word that is over used I am told

Love is a word that is over used I am told. If it is said too often or in the same sentence with ice cream and flower's then it lessens the significance of the word, or so I am told. I would disagree.

I tell people I love them often. I remark about loving a certain flower or ice cream often. I mean it when I say I love. I don't have a lot of knowledge about many things but I do have knowledge of love.

There are so many hurting people in our world. So many who need love. I do not regret saying I love them. I ask God to give me love for people and He does, and when He does I tell people. There are people who are never told they are loved, but I pray that if that one person who needs to be told they are loved hears it from me that they believe it.

I'm not a fair weather friend either, if I say it I mean it, and when I say it I will continue to mean it. And when they ask, "Why do you say I love you so much?" I can tell them about the One who first loved me.

Sweaty, Stinky Stuff has overtaken my home.

Sweaty stinky stuff has overtaken my home. My home where I love to have nice smelling things like candles, cookies baking, and even fresh cleaning supplies smells are the ones I prefer. But nope I have a 12 and a 14 year old sons.

The oldest has his own smell. The dreaded soccer stink. I know this may sound far fetched but I think mom’s would agree, each sport has it’s own smell. Kendall’s shin guards smell like male cat urine. I was at a soccer game the other day and heard one of mom’s telling another mom that she had found the cure for the stinky shin guards, I leaned in to listen. She said, “Put them in the freezer.” Ummmmm…. Yea I don’t think I will be trying that one. The last thing I want is for my steak to taste like soccer shin guards!

Then we have the nice “gone to the lake all day” stink. This one I much prefer over the soccer stink. This one has an earthy tone to it.

Then there is the younger son’s walked home from school on an 85 degree day stink. Not as bad as soccer but worse than gone all day at the lake.

Here is the thing. I am learning to be grateful for the stinks. I have a boy healthy enough to play soccer. The memories we make at the lake I wouldn't trade for the world. And the younger son’s walked home from school in 85 degree heat stink is nice as well, because when he comes home and lays down on his bed and I take off his stinky socks and lay on his bed with him to hear all the details of his day, the stink goes away and is replaced by memories made.

There will be a time when my home won’t smell of boys anymore. They will be grown and gone and I bet I will long for the stinky days.

Diving board life

My life is like a kid jumping off a diving board right now. It is exciting, exhilarating, scary, and fun. I have multiple projects going on. They are all great things. I am coordinating a women's retreat, helping with a group of middle school girls, organizing a prayer team, being a soccer mom, and lots of daily stuff that everyone does.

When I take my boys to the pool that has a diving board at first they are a little timid about climbing the ladder, walking out on the board, and then taking the first step off the board into the water far, far below. Then their head pops up out of that water and they are running to get back up that ladder and do it again. That's how I feel. I just had my first successful team meeting for the women's retreat which will happen in 9 weeks, and today I am getting back on the board to plan for a Middle School Girls night at my house on Sunday. It's exciting, and fun and I pray I don't belly flop, but if I do I'll just do the same thing I tell my boys, "Ouch I bet that hurt, you okay? Alright well get back up there and do a Pencil this time!"

Jack

Jack and I are going to church camp together this coming weekend. This is my first time to go to one of my own kid's camps and serve as a leader. I am excited to do this with him. Jack and I have had a good summer together. Lots of good conversation  Lots of laughter. Lots of getting to know him and who he is becoming. And I must say I like him. He is a pleasure to get to know. 

Jack is my shy guy. He smiles a lot and when surrounded by people you may not even notice him at all. But if you stop in that crowd and take a look at the young man with reddish, brownish hair, freckles, and pretty blue eyes you would see a young man with a willingness to help a stranger, listen well to whoever is in charge, and you may see a little mischievous grin if he is plotting to prank someone.

He is a thinker. There have been many times when Jack and I were talking and I would ask him a question and he would say, "I'm not sure I'll have to think about it." And I would wonder if that was just a blanket answer but then a day or sometimes it's even been a week later he has come back to me and said, "Mom remember when you asked... well I have thought about it and here is what I think..." 

Jack is a ham. This is something that only people who really know Jack will find out about him. He LOVES to laugh, and play jokes on people. He loves to hear, watch, and experience comedy on many levels. He gets the giggles and if he finds something he thinks is hilarious he will replay it or say it, over and over and over again, until his older brother says, "Ok Jack it was funny the first time, now it's just over." 

Jack is an awesome helper with younger kids, and they ADORE him. I have noticed several people calling Jack their "Best Friend" Jack never corrects them or ignores them. He will smile and shyly look down. He can be very humble. I love that about him. All the little cousin's in the family love Jack and include him in their nightly prayers. He will play with them for hours at family get together's and is usually exhausted by the end but you never hear him complain.

I love knowing my kids. It is an intentional act and I'm not always good at it, but when those connections happen it is sweet. Sweet indeed!

Tears and Laughter

It has been awhile since I have written. Maybe you are thinking I haven’t written because I haven’t had anything to laugh or cry about. This would not be true. I have laughed and cried a lot in the last month.

I laughed when my son Jack had this look of horror on his face when he realized there was a vegetable on his plate. I mean seriously the kid looked like the plate had suddenly grown three heads and was calling him names like “Veggie hater”.

I laughed when I ran in the rain with no umbrella squealing like a little sissy girl.

I laughed when my friend Marilyn told me about walking the halls of the hospital after having surgery only to find out she had forgotten to double gown, so she was mooning people! I laughed pretty hard at that one!!

I cried. I cried when my friend lost her 18 year old son suddenly to death. I cried a lot. I am still crying.

I laughed at the funeral when someone told a funny story about her son eating Hershey Bar’s when he was little and getting caught.

Tears, and laughter, sometimes go hand in hand.

Marilyn, my mommie mentor

Today my sweet friend Marilyn is having heart surgery. I will never forget meeting her. I was in a Mom's Group at our church. I was new to the church and the area, did not have any friends yet. In walks this tall older woman who seemed to command the room. Oh and when she prayed! She prayed with such confidence!

One day after having gone to Mom's group for several weeks I notice Marilyn seemed to be following me as I went to pick up the boys from the nursery. I have my hands full and she offers to help. Then we got to talking  and she sweetly smiled at me and said the oddest thing. She said, "I am going to pursue you." I didn't quite know what to say to that so I didn't say anything. When my hubby got home later that evening I said, "Guess what honey? I am being pursued!" He didn't laugh. I thought it was funny. When I told him who it was then he laughed.

Pursue me she did. Not in a weird stalker kind of way, but rather in a loving friend, motherly mentor kind of way. We would meet for lunch, or coffee and just talk. She would give advice about the raising of boys. I would listen. She would pray and I would be in awe. She loved me when I needed to be loved.

She is a strong woman. She lives in Florida now but every time she makes a trip this way we always carve out time for each other. This last time she said, "Denise I am ready to go. If I die during this surgery it will be okay." I did not say a word because I knew if I spoke I'd cry. Yesterday she said to me, "My theme for today is I Surrender All." I quickly said, That is not my theme for today Marilyn, I am not ready to surrender you!

As I write this my sweet mommie mentor is having her surgery on a heart that is full of Jesus. If you are the praying type, I sure would appreciate a prayer being put up for my friend.

Humility

Humble: I tried to find an actual definition of humble/humility but the wording was confusing. So what does it mean to be humble? Humility is the ability to know and understand that you are not God. You don't have all the answers, you don't even have some of the answers, you don't have the master plan, you don't get to be the judge. Humility is being easily bent. As compared to stiff necked "I do it myself" mentality. Humility is the understanding that you don't do anything by yourself.

I love horses. I grew up on a horse farm. When trying to lead a horse if they are stubborn they will plant their feet and raise their head and stiffen their neck. Which makes it impossible to lead them, they don't go anywhere, they just stand there. If they are not stubborn they will relax drop their head and be easily lead. Sometimes the reason a horse will not be easily lead is because they don't trust the leader, or they can be scared of where they leader is taking them.

I want to be easily lead by my Lord. I don't want to be stubborn and stiff necked. I want to trust my leader. I want to be more humble.

The opposite of humility is pride. I'm sad to say that I have more than enough pride. Ugh! It is so ugly! I hate it! When I really sit and evaluate my past and current sins it all boils down to pride. Thinking I know better than the God of Universe, how absolutely preposterous is that???

I'm not the only one who has fallen into that trap. We see it in every character in the Bible (except Jesus who was perfectly humble), Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Peter, James, John, heck the whole nation of Israel! But here is the interesting thing. God blesses the humble.

In 2 Chronicles 12:6&7 "So the leaders of Israel, and the king humbled themselves, and they said, "The Lord is righteous." Now when the Lord saw that they humbled themselves the word of the Lord came to Shemaiah saying, "They have humbled themselves therefore I will not destroy them, but I will grant them some deliverance. My wrath will not be poured out on them."

Humility, what does it look like in your life? Are you like me and have a hard time giving up control? Are you like the stiff necked horse who plants their feet and doesn't trust the leader? Or are you easily bent, relaxed and pliable?

To Do List

To Do List:

• Make appointment for Jack to go see new orthodontist.
• Call dad
• Take the dog to get his nails trimmed
• Make dish to take to church graduation

These are only four items on my to do list for this week. There are at least 20 things that are not listed. None of them are bad things. All of them in fact are good things…if I don’t get the dogs nails trimmed soon he is going to be featured on one of those horrible Sara Mclachlan commercials with the singing “In the arms of the angels…”  yea you know the one! I digress. Which is what usually happens when I have a zillion things on my mind. I end up digressing all the time and never finishing anything!

I need my quiet time. Time to sit at Jesus’ feet and not think about that stinkin, never-ending to do list.  God knew what he was talking about when he commanded people to rest in Him. He knew what he was talking about when he said, “Be still and know that I am God.”

He knew it. I know it. And yet, how often do I obey? Is it easier to check off a list than it is to rest in Him? I had a friend say to me once when I questioned her about resting in God. She asked, “How do you do that?” She was genuine. How many of us are?

Do we even know how to rest in Him? God has not moved. He is not a God who is far away from His people. But we get so distracted with life and everything we think we have to do that we block Him out. How often is there silence in your home? The Holy Spirit is a gentleman. Most of the time He whispers. Are we too loud, too busy, to hear Him?

The Oldest and Boldest

The Oldest and Boldest

My oldest son Kendall has always also been my boldest.  When he was two years old as we were standing in line at the grocery store he told the lady in back of us, “Jesus got owie’s in his hands and his feet for all the people.” The lady smiled and Kendall just kept right on witnessing to this woman the whole time we were in line! And it wasn’t the only time!

When he was little we lived on a dead end street in the country. I would pack him and his brother in the double stroller and some of the neighbors and I would walk up and down the street for fellowship and exercise. Kendall was probably 3 and we were on our strolls. One of the neighbors kids was about 16 and he was little rough around the edges. On this particular day it was hot, and this fella’s face was really red. As we walked past his house Kendall said, “Hey, Hey you!” The kid came over and Kendall asked in a very serious voice, “Are you da debil?” translation: Are you the devil? His parents were standing near by and starting laughing and they responded, “Sometimes we think he is too, Kendall!”

Oh boy! Thank the Lord they laughed!

I am not bold by nature. I hate conflict and avoid it like the plague. I wish I had a little of Kendall’s boldness sometimes. 

What quality in your kids do you admire?

Embarrassing Moment

Embarrassing moments, we all have em. And if you don’t then your just lying. Some embarrassing moments can actually and usually turn into some of the funniest. It usually takes awhile before we find them funny but eventually if we are not too proud we will admit that it was pretty darn funny.

Okay when I was 17 I worked as a waitress in a very small town at a truck stop. There were only about 4 other waitress’s that worked my shift. There was Patsy an older lady that chewed gum and reminded me a lot of Flo from the sitcom Alice. Then there was Martha who was kind of a biker chick who took no prisoners, I was always a little afraid of her. Then there was Nan who took waitresing way to seriously if you ask me. Then there was my boss. My boss’s name was Norma. Norma was a very neat lady. Everyone in the town loved her. She died rather unexpectantly. We were all shocked and sad.

I of course wanted to attend the memorial service for Norma. Our town only had one funeral home so I heard the day that the funeral was going to be and got all dressed up and decided to go. I was very nervous. Norma’s death was very tragic. Her husband had shot her and so going into the service my mind was racing with thoughts like, “I wonder if the husband’s family will be here, I wonder if there will be fighting.” I just kept thinking okay I’ll just go in, do my duty and leave.

So I walk in and see Martha. I think oh good a familiar face! I made bee line for Martha. She looks up and says, “I am so glad you are here, I can’t believe you came.”

I said, “Yea I thought I should.”

She said, “Well my husband will be so glad.”

I thought, “hmm wonder why her husband will be glad, maybe he is related to Norma, it’s such a small town, everyone seems to be related to everyone.”

Martha then proceeds to take my arm and says, “Let me take you up to the casket.”

I am mortified. I have never been one who likes to go up to caskets, but what can I do? Martha the biker chick has my arm in a vice gripe. I am looking everywhere but at the casket on the way up to the casket and when we finally stop right in from of it I take a look and out of my mouth in slow motion I hear myself say

“That’s not Norma.”

Martha says, “of course its not, that is my father-in-law. You didn’t come here for him?”

“Ummm well yes of course I did, I’m so sorry for your father-in-law” And then walked briskly out the door only to find a sign that had an arrow with Norma’s name pointed to another room.  I did not go in.

I know it’s warped, and all but it’s one of those moments that can make me laugh no matter how bad my day is going, maybe if you’re warped too it gave you a chuckle.

FMS

I have diabetes, asthma, fibromyalgia, have been known to have a panic attack or two, and ADD. The ADD is the most fun one by the way. It cracks my whole family up! Squirrel!  

Any way, for the most part I haven’t told many people about the ailments that I’ve been blessed with because for the most part I figure people don’t want to hear people complain. I know I don’t. There use to be a running joke with Granny that you never wanted to ask her how she was doing because she would tell ya! Her list of ailments were longer than mine!

I want to be a positive person. I don’t want to be known as a complainer. But someone said something today that made me pause. She has known pain. Her son was murdered. She said today something to the effect of, “God wants us to be honest. Honest with our pain. Without honesty there is no release.” No release from the pain without honesty. In her case she was talking about grief but I think it can be applied to physical ailments as well.

I am an actress by nature. I can smile through just about anything. My younger son is learning this fabulous trait. He had an acute pain on his side. When the doctor would push on it, he would smile. The doctor pushed harder, and Jack smiled bigger. The doctor looked at me and said, “He can’t have an appendicitis he isn’t in enough pain.” But I knew my boy. I knew exactly what he was doing, because I do it all the time. Hide the pain with a smile. How sad. How very very sad. Luckily we got Jack to the hospital and he did in fact have appendicitis and had an emergency surgery to have it removed.

I also think at least for me there was a tinge of pride involved in my unwillingness to share with people that I suffered for fear that the image they had of me would be tarnished. There that is my honesty. I am a proud person who has at times suffered alone for fear of what people may think.

So does God want us to be like Granny who was always telling everyone about her ailments and how awful she felt? Or does God want us to hide the pain with a smile? I am not at all sure what the exact answer is but here is my new answer. To the few people who really care I will be honest and I will smile because here is the Truth.. I have diabetes, asthma, fibromyalgia, have been known to have a panic attack or two, and ADD.

But it does not have me.

God does.

:) 

Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which will be revealed in us.

Lunch Lady Challenge

I try to give my boys a challenge each day to try to accomplish. I usually give them a hug or pat their hand if they don’t seem to be in the hugging mood. And then I will say, “okay your challenge for today is:…”

Most of the time the challenge is something like: Tell one person something you noticed about them that is nice. Give someone something they need that they didn’t have and don’t expect it back. Or Smile at someone today. We have done all kinds of challenges through the years. But as I was thinking about it this morning I realized some of the neat stories I’ve heard through the years because of the boys taking it seriously and doing them.

When Kendall was in 1^st grade I gave him the lunch lady challenge. It started because he had come home from school one day and I had asked him what the best part of his day was.

He said, “oh mom, it was lunch, we had noodles and rolls and it was soo good.”

I then asked, “Did you tell the lunch lady thank you?”

“No” He said

So the next day I said, “Kendall today’s challenge is to look the lunch lady in the eye and tell her thank you.”

Fast forward to fifth grade. I go to the school to prepare for the 5^th grade Valentine party. I need to get into the cafeteria to set up. I didn’t have a key and so this older lady smiles and says I can get you in. So we proceed to go to the cafeteria. We are making small talk and she asks, “Whose mom are you?”

“I am Kendall’s mom.” I say

The lady begins to cry and says, “Can I tell you something about your son? Every day for as long as I can remember he has smiled and said thank you to me. I am retiring this year, but I will never forget your son and the encouragement he gave me. I also need to confess that any time we had noodles and rolls I would give him extra because I knew it was his favorite.”

I had no idea.  I had no idea that Kendall kept doing that challenge every day for four years! WoW! Praise God!

This year I gave my younger son Jack a challenge. I said, “Be kind today, find someone who no one else may want to be kind to, and be kind to that person.” He came home that day from school and was smiling.

I said, “How was your day?”

Jack said, “We had a fire in the kitchen at school today and we all had to stand outside and it was cold. Our class was next to the kindergarten class. There was a little boy that didn’t have a coat. I gave him mine.”

Then my sweet Jack looked down and softly said, “Was that kind?”

“Yes Jack that was very kind” I said softly back to him, and gave him a hug.

Mentoring

Mentoring

I recently went to a workshop on Christian mentoring. There was so much good information, and thought maybe some of you may be interested in it.

Jesus didn’t mentor everyone. He picked three to be closest to. He of course was close to all 12, but picked three for the closest mentoring relationship.

When you are mentoring remember this:

M-modeling

E- encouraging

N- nurturing

T- transparency

O- opportunities

R- relationship

M- Modeling is the most powerful form of learning. What you do impacts people more than what you say.

E-encouraging, find things that you appreciate about the person you are mentoring, and tell them.

N-nurturing Look inside them for the person they long to be. Ask lots of questions to figure this out. Jesus used 288 questions. Questions are good. Ask lots of questions. One might be: What would you like your life to look like 10 years from now? Recognize that there are no two people alike.  What worked in a past mentoring relationship may not work in the current one. Be a good listener. More listening and asking questions than speaking.

T- Transparency, tell them up front that you do not have all the answers. Give what you have to give. Be who God has made you to be. Be approachable and available. Be loyal. Be open. Be more willing to be John the Baptist and point them to Jesus, and less willing to be their Jesus.

O-Opportunities, look around and quit making excuses as to why you can’t mentor someone. If you had a bad experience in the past it doesn’t mean you can’t still mentor. Jesus had two who betrayed him, but that wasn’t the mentor’s fault. He never said to any of the 12, “I’ve had it with you.”

Also just because you yourself have had failures doesn’t mean you can’t give to someone else. Focus on what you learned through the trial you went through and share it.

R-relationship, this means the person you are mentoring is in a relationship with you. They are NOT your project, the minute you start thinking that you are no longer a mentor you have made your mentor your idol. This is God’s work. God’s plan. God’s hand. Also remember to start where the person is, not where you want them to be.

Where do I begin? What questions do I start with?

1. Goals: Where do you want to be in your walk with the Lord?
2. Reality: where do you see yourself now?
3. Options: How can you get there? Help them make a list of options.
4. Walk: Let’s look at our list and do at least one today.

To Be or Not To Be?

To Be or Not To Be?

On any given day we get to decide what to be. Will I be satisfied today? Will I be content? Will I be joyful? Will I be in a bad mood? Will I be a complainer?

I can say there are days I blame my circumstance’s on how I think I will be on a particular day.  It’s going to be a rainy gray cold Indiana day today so I will be depressed.  The sun will be out tomorrow I will be so happy! I know there are chemicals in our brains that can get in a funk if we don’t have enough sunshine days but I don’t recall any where in the Bible that says we get to be down because of the weather. I also don’t think we get to be fake when we are really falling apart inside.  

But I do know that time spent on my knees before the Almighty King of the Universe helps my to be’s. I can be lower than low and then be in the presence of Our Lord and be lifted high above my circumstance. He seems to be the answer to my question of to be or not to be. Is He yours?

Relationship Over Rules

I was at a lecture the other day and the speaker made this statement,

“Children don’t do well with a list of rules instead of a real relationship.”

That sounds like total common sense to me, but when I really thought about it I had to wonder, “Where do I fall on the pendulum of rules vs relationship with my kids?”

Later that same day I was in a waiting room and got to hear an interesting exchange between a mother and her daughter who was probably 9 years old. It went something like this.

Mom: “Casey (made up name) why aren’t you doing your homework? Now is a good time to get that done so we don’t have to worry about it later.”

Casey: “Mom I am so tired I don’t want to do my homework.”

Mom: “Well I’m tired too but I still have to work. And also when we go to the gym tonight I want you to actually run with me not walk. Walking is not going to get you in shape. And if you can’t run then you can just sit there and do your homework so I can actually get a full work out in.”

Casey is silent, then I hear some rattling.

Mom: “Casey you can’t open that window, what do you think this is your house? Close that right now.”

Casey: “This isn’t fair…..

You get the drift and I got one to from the open window. But this conversation really had me stumped. Here was a mom who was trying to do all the right things. Making her little girl do her homework, having her exercise, not having her break someone else’s property. But everything about it seemed wrong.

How often was I like that with my boys? It made me sad to think of it. When was the last time we had had a real conversation? Not just me telling them what to do and not do but really hearing about what was going on in their lives. When had I settled with the answer “fine” when I knew things were anything but fine?

I prayed that God would help me to be more intentional this week with my fellas to be focused less on rule making and more relationship building.

One day during the week my oldest had an orthodontist appointment. It was right around lunchtime so I decided to take him out to a sit down lunch and just let him talk. His whole face light up when I said, “We are not going to rush through the drive thru of Mcdonalds today to get you back in time for school, today we are going to sit down have lunch, relax and enjoy each other.” He talked for over an hour about all kinds of things. We both walked out of that lunch with a pep in our step and a deeper understanding of each other.

Then I thought okay how I am going to do this with my youngest who is 11 and on the shy side? He typically is not the talker that his older brother is. But when we got to the restaurant he opened up like a soda can that had been shaken up and was ready to be released from all that pressure. I was floored! I listened and asked a few questions and listened some more and when there was a lull, I asked “What would you like to do now?” He said, “Can we just talk a little more?” I almost cried. “Yes! Let’s talk a lot more!” I said

What a sweet sweet lesson I learned this week.  I am thankful.

The Way Things Use To Be

The Way Things Use To Be

Galatians 2:1-10

Some bullet points on these verses:

• Paul goes to Jerusalem-the mega Jewish home place. It says he was with Barnabus and took Titus. Interesting the wording here. Did Titus need taking? Titus was a Gentile, Barnabus was Jewish. Hmmmmmm…?

• He then talks to some people privately. Titus was not circumcised. Some spy's somehow found this out…um yea I have no idea how they would find that out!  But they were not happy about it. The Judaizers of the group wanted people to still follow the old covenant and live under the new one as well. It was hard for them to let go of the way things used to be.

• Paul also says in verse 2 that he went to Jerusalem because God showed him.  Paul was led by God to go to a not so popular place for Christians.

• In verse 6 Paul was not intimidated to speak to important people. It says it made no difference to him. He didn’t change his message because the “important” people showed up.

  

How can I obey?

Paul was led by God. Am I led by God to talk about the hard things to people who may not want to hear it?

How am I like the Judaizers who were bent on “the way things used to be?”

Are there times when I cater my message because I want to impress people instead of obeying God?

Paul is a conundrum!

Paul is a conundrum!

Galatians 1:13-23

Paul reminds the people of Galatia of his past to help them see and understand how God has changed him. He also does it to help them understand that he knows what they are hearing about keeping the law. He himself was a master law keeper. But the old way is not the way of Jesus. Prophesy was fulfilled in Jesus and now salvation comes through Faith in Christ, which was not just for the Jews.

In verse 23 Paul talks about going to a church who was scared of him-rightly so! I think I would have been a bit intimidated by Paul. A killer turned into a grace giver! What a conundrum!

It is interesting to me that in this first chapter Paul talks about Jews, and Gentiles and how he was on the outs with both groups. When God called Paul it was a miracle. So very interesting that He picked Paul. The transformation that happened in Paul,  and how God used it all. Not one part of Paul’s life was wasted. Even in his sin God made sure that it would later be used to glorify Him.

How can I obey? We all have a little Paul in us I think. A little “I think I know it all” till God comes along and reveals Truth to us. How can I be humble enough to ask God what it is that I think I know but really don’t understand at all?

Also where is God calling me to share my ugly past to give God glory? Paul wasn’t afraid to say, “I’ve done a lot of wrong things, BUT God….”

Am I willing to do that? Are you?

Grace and Peace

Grace and Peace

Galatians 1:1-14

Interesting that Paul uses Grace and Peace as a greeting. According to my notes Grace was a Gentile greeting, while peace was a Jewish greeting. In these two words he brings them both Jew and Gentile together. Grace and Peace is what the gospel is all about.

Apparently there was some trouble happening with the church at Galatia. They were being told about another gospel. Paul was reminding them who he was in Christ and that his message was not sent to please them but to please God. Paul was not in it for the popularity. He was not in ministry to: please people, have no pain, or have anyone really like him as a person. Which is funny because some of Paul’s adversaries were saying he was just saying things to please people because his emphasis was not on keeping the laws. Paul tells this crowd, “hey I was the biggest law keeper there was BUT God revealed a new way.”

How can I obey? My ministry should not be based on getting people to like me. That is not my goal. My goal like Paul should be: total loyalty to Jesus Christ and helping them get connected to Him.

What will my kids say about me?

What will my kids say about me?

Have you ever thought about what your kids will say about you when they are adults? I have two boys. They are 14 and 11. I think about what I say about my parents, and how my thoughts for them have changed over the years. What I realize now is that they really did do their best. I always knew I was loved.

I pray that my kids will know that they had parents who taught them about love and showed them God’s love in how we loved them. There are many times when I have failed. I really hope it doesn’t mess them up too much. Like when I licked pudding off of Jack’s head.  Should I explain that one? Umm okay.

Jack was 6 months old, not sleeping through the night. I was exhausted, hadn’t showered in days. He would not let anyone but me hold him. I was soo hungry and tired. I got a cup of pudding and sat down, he started screaming. I started nursing him and was rolling a ball to Kendall with my foot, trying to eat the pudding with one hand. Danny walks in from work, the dog barks and the pudding drops on Jack’s head, I start to cry. Danny says, “Are you okay?” I stop crying and look him right in the eye and lick the pudding off Jack’s head. He looked like he was looking at someone who could at any moment start shooting red hot laser beams through a steal enforced wall. He slowly and deliberately backed away without saying another word.

Have I warped my child for life because of the pudding incident? When he is 30 and in the shrink’s office crying on the couch, saying “It all started when my mother licked pudding off my head.”  Oh boy, I hope not. Big sigh…maybe it won’t be the pudding, maybe it will be that time I decided to show Kendall how to catch a baseball and instead hit him right between the eyes with the ball. He still brings that up….yea it will probably be that.

Ugh, we are all a flawed people. I pray that the times I kissed the ouchies, made hot chocolate on cold days, let them sleep with me when a bad dream came, told them how very much God loved them, and how very much I love them will be the things they will remember. And when they remember my failings that they also remember that mom was one who was never afraid to ask for forgiveness when she messed up, which seemed to be a lot. 

A River Runs Through It

A River Runs Through It

I love the movie “A River Runs Through It” It is one of my favorites. For those who have not seen it, it is a story about a pastor and his wife who have two boys. The boys are very close. They do everything together. They both come from the same stable loving home, but their stories become radically different. One makes wise choices and is a success, while the other makes bad choices and those choices end up getting him in lots of trouble.

The pastor father struggles and in some of my favorite lines of all time says this

“Each one of us here today would at one time in our lives looked upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question ‘We are willing to help Lord, but what if anything is needed?’ For it is true we can seldom help those closest to us, either we don’t know what part of ourselves to give or the part we have to give is not wanted. But we can still love them, we can love completely with out complete understanding.”

So true isn’t it? I have had many people in my life that I have loved completely without complete understanding. With offering them love and help only to be rejected or ignored. They keep making the same choices the ones that I look at and judge and think, “can’t they see how that is hurting them?”  I don’t know. I have like in the movie lost a family member that I could not help. The ones left behind often wonder,  “Could I have done more?”

But to love completely with out complete understanding means to give up our right to judge their behavior, it means we look for the good in them, it means we love them any way. 

A visit to Granny :)

A visit to Granny

I had to share this story with you all. My family (me, hubby, 2 boys) all went to go visit Granny in the nursing home the other day. Granny is 89 years old (I think) and was married for like 60 years to the same man. Grandpa died at 93 a couple of years ago. Granny calls her late husband "Dad".  Couple other things you need to know about Granny is that she is not afraid to speak her mind. Sometimes this has included walking up to people and saying, "Well girl you sure are looking fat!"  I don't take offense, I just laugh it off, but it is an on going joke in the family that you just don't know what you are going to hear from Granny.

So when we went to see her in the nursing home the other day we were delighted when we all got compliments! She said my hubby was looking younger every day. I was pretty. My younger son had such a cute dimple that all the girls would go after him, and my older son was so tall and handsome! Wow we were all smiling at this. She must have felt a little feisty with us all so happy. So she started talking about her new home, it went something like this:

Granny: I just don't know why I'm in this place. It is too much money for me to be here. At least they keep it clean, but there are some really sick people here, I don't like looking at them, Oh mercy.

Our response: Oh Granny don't worry about the cost, they take good care of you here and I'm sure there are plenty of things to do.

Granny: Well there aint a nothin to do here. Some people play cards. I don't like to play cards. Some people put puzzles together. I aint never liked to do that. Oh mercy me!

Our response: Well Grandma what do you like to do?

Granny: Well when me and Dad were on the farm we would eat a good dinner, then we would do a little "rough housing"  and then in a little bit then we would go to sleep.

Our response:

Yeah nothing. What do you say to your 89-year-old grandma who just talked to you about what she considered her favorite past time with her hubby?

I will never view the words "rough housing" the same way again!! Tooo funny!! I can't wait to get old and be able to say whatever I want!!

It was so sweet though as we were walking out the door she said with a twinkle in her eye and a smile on her face, "You all take good care of each other" I smiled at my hubby and said, "We will Grandma"

Hope you got a smile out this also!

P.S. This story was written a few years ago when Granny was still alive, she went home to be with Granpa a few years ago now.  Miss and love her still.

Unexpected Gifts

Unexpected Gifts

There is a release that comes from writing. When I was 13 and my mom was sick with cancer and I was lost, my mom took me to a therapist. She suggested journaling. I’ve been writing ever since. I could write things that I could not speak. I could write them and be freed from their grip on me.

My dad is dyslexic and while reading a good story was never something I saw him do. He can tell a story better than anyone I have ever heard. I hope to write some of the stories he has shared here. They are good ones. Some very funny, some very sad. A truly great story teller.

My mom was an avid reader, as am I. I think one of the reasons I loved to read was because I saw how much my dad and sister both wanted to but never could. I would read to my sister for hours. She loved it. It is also how I got to be nominated to be in my first play.  My teacher chose me because I would have each character have a different voice. Thus started my love of acting.

It’s funny isn’t it? The hard things showed me my gifts. I would not have known how to write if it weren’t for the therapist I had to go to because my mom had cancer. I would not have loved to read had I not had a sister and dad who could not. I would not have been an actress were it not for reading to my sister and her begging me to “do the voices”

There are gifts that come from the hard things.

I don't know, I say that a lot

I don’t have all the answers. I don’t even have most of them. I usually have more questions than anything. Why do people smile and shake their head when asked how they are? Why do I always put my pants on the same way every day? Why does one windshield wiper on my van always work better than the other one, and the one that works better is on the passenger side?

I don’t know. I say that a lot.  I wish I was smarter. I’m not an imbecile but I’m not brilliant either (I just had to do spell check on imbecile and brilliant and I got them both wrong case in point) but there is one thing I know. I know people. I can read them pretty well. I have always had that gift. I listen well. I’m also not afraid to look stupid. I think both of these gifts have served me well in my life. I laugh a lot, mostly at myself. I take joy in crazy trivial things that most people don’t take notice of at all. I like that about myself.

Why does any of this matter? I don’t know. I say that a lot.  I’m a bottom line kind of girl, so let me bottom line it for you. There are things we all wish were different about ourselves, but love looks for the good.  Look for the good in yourself, then share it with someone to brighten their day. Love looks for the good, even in yourself.

What' love got to do with it?

What’s love got to do with it?

What's love got to do with it? Remember that song? 

When it's hard and I'm angry with someone, there are times when I know God has called me to love them, and I want to say, "But God what's love got to do with it, with how they have treated me, with how they have hurt me, or other people that I love, where was love when that happened?" 

My attitude is not one of love but of hurt, and anger. I think it's righteous indignation. I think I have a right to feel this way. But then I look at Jesus. He had a right too. He had a reason. He choose love. When he said, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do" He could have said, "Dad, could you dish out some discipline on these heathens, even if they don't understand what they are doing, it's still wrong, and it still hurts" He could have, he had a right, he had a reason, he chose love. and not just any love, but a lay down his life, bridge the chasm of law, kind of love. He chose love, what makes me think I have a right to choose anything else?